Crap hits the fan homeowner style.

Did you ever notice that major household appliances/necessary items always pick holidays to fail on?

Yesterday, our hot water heater, which had given us fair warning several months ago that it was on it’s last legs decided to give up the ghost and die in a geyser of rusty water.

I'd just gotten back from doing a grocery run to Wal-Mart, (Marine Corps combat training kind of serves well in a Wal-Mart on a Sunday afternoon), after having spent a large amount of money to keep the monkeys in food for another two or three days I was in a less than joyous mood.

On getting home and starting the process of unloading the many groceries I got the announcement from Vicky that the hot water heater had died, oh crap, (actually I said something else but....).

After shutting off the water and moping the floor with all the "dog towels" we could lay our hands on Vicky started putting groceries away while wrangling monkeys and dogs who all thought the small pantry with the dead hot water heater and a cranky dad would be a very good place to play.

I started the process of removing the old water heater. You know, close the intake valve, connect the hose to the drain valve, open the drain valve, and open the hot and cold water connections, drain the tank, and then remove. The plan sounded good, the execution was a little different.

It seems for whatever reason, (still can't figure out why), the tank didn't drain all the way. From the looks of what did drain we maybe drained 5-10 gallons of a 50 gallon tank.

Remembering Dad's old saying, "There is a smart way to do things and a dumb way to do things" I decided it would be smarter to take the "empty" tank, put it onto a two wheeled dolly and haul it out.

Well, the dolly promptly blew a wheel, the tank wasn't empty, my recently repaired shoulder is probably not as repaired now as it was last week, and the kids learned all sorts of "new words". Of course while trying to drag this tank out of the house and onto the back deck we had to dodge, Olivia running all around, dogs wandering all through our feet, Olivia delivering "Sonic Blasts" because she was getting yelled at to get out of the way so 300+ pounds of water heater didn't fall of the dolly and squash her like a bug, and Eli and Emelie getting in the way like the curious monkeys that they are.

Once safely placed on the back deck, Vicky opens the drain valve and low and behold, let there be hot water, lots of hot water, lots and lots of hot water. No wonder the thing was so bloody heavy! And here I had just thought it was full to the brim of lime and other sediment.

So off to Lowe’s I go. Although there are two Home Depot’s here in McKinney I’d rather do business with Lowe’s as I’ve found them to be more helpful and have the stuff that I need. The last thing I wanted to do was chase all over town, getting one part here, another over there, and six stops later wondering if I had everything.

I get to Lowe’s, find the hot water heaters, find a very helpful older gentleman, find almost all the parts, bits and pieces necessary to install a new water heater, and then proceed to quest for the mythical, “I know I have it somewhere”, ¾ compression fitting. It would have been easier to find the Holy Grail! We searched high, we searched low, and we looked behind shelves, under shelves, on top of shelves, nope not there. He kept suggesting a just solder a fitting onto the pressure relief drain pipe, knowing the type of day I was having I was imagining catching the wall on fire and watching the whole house go up in flames.

Finally I got frustrated enough at not finding what I needed at Lowe’s and headed to Home Depot. By this time I was frustrated enough that I left about ½ my tires on the Lowe’s parking lot and ¼ tank of gas in just getting out of there, (I didn’t know the 4Runner had enough stomp to break the tires free like that)!

I hit Home Depot at 7:10 with them closing the doors at 8:00. Once again I find the hot water heaters and almost all the parts, bits and pieces necessary to install a new water heater, and then proceed to quest for the mythical, “I know I have it somewhere”, ¾ compression fitting. This time we got lucky! We found the last one in the entire store! Loaded everything on the cart and $369 and change later I was on my way home.

Of course from having worked electrical contracting years ago I firmly know the two things plumbers have to know, payday is Friday and crap doesn’t run up hill! I then proceed to plumb the danged thing in backwards! Guess I should have read the directions first.

I fixed my plumbing mistake, plumbed in the pressure relief drain valve, wired in my electrical connections, and rechecked all my fittings. I said a quick prayer and got ready to crack open the intake valve, fully expecting to see water go spraying everywhere.

Well I got more proof that God does hear prayers, NO LEAKS! The dumb thing actually works!

Of course now I staring suspiciously at the air conditioner, I just know it’s planning on dying on the 4th of July.